#PrideMonth is the hashtag you fly if you want to be seen as supporting the gay community. Or crassly selling them banking services or ben-wa balls. Celebrities view LGBTQ pretty similar to the banks and the anal bead purveyors. How do I get in on this week’s virtue market to make this about me?
Half of female Hollywood has announced they’re bisexual or some variation of “I’m not a lame heterosexual” in the past couple of years. It’s the 2020’s version of getting a “Rachel” pixie cut. It’s trending and certain to get you virtual applause even though you’ve done nothing. And doing nothing is the predicate for all celebrity activism.
Megan Fox announced she likes girls too in her #PrideMonth post. That’s “too” in addition to the broke-ass vertigo-disabled Beverly Hills 90210 castoff she married, made some trans babies with, then divorced to hook up with Machine Gun Kelly. Who wouldn’t like women if those are the male options? Maybe you’re not bisexual, maybe you’re just really bad at picking men. Though the thought of Megan Fox going down on another hot chick should necessarily override all cogent thoughts on the matter.
Fox has a long history of hating men. That’s not a biased opinion. She has stated publicly that men abused her when young and she has trouble not hating every XY. Dax Shepard had a college kid stick his hand in his pants when he was 9 and he’s been on a Jack and powder coke bender ever since. No judgments here on what sexual assault does to you. Minus the Dax part. Grow up. You’re 46 and a father, you insufferable pansy.
It’s not clear what being “proudly Bi” means to a woman who is married or in an LTR with a dude. I know what it means if a dude who’s in a relationship with a woman says it. It means bowling night isn’t really bowling night and that’s not really donut icing on his lips. Get an AIDS test now, wifey. With women, it’s harder to say. Is she scissoring chicks in her tent at Lillith Fair or is Bi more a state of mind? A lesbian sex tape wouldn’t hurt to clear this up. Fox famously has club-thumbs, which sounds like something you wouldn’t want as a Hollywood siren, but that your lesbian partner would assure you is quite amazing as a practical matter. Mmm, your brachydactyly is making me cum.
I don’t know how actual gay people feel about celebrities jumping their Pride bandwagon. Imagine what that wagon smells like after a month. Maybe it’s like how Latinos feel about coastal white people insisting on Latinx — generally confused and pissed off and wanting to shit on rich people’s kale. I’d imagine you’d rather have somebody not in your tribe say they support your tribe than announcing they’re kind of sort of part of it because of something that happened once when they were on a Catholic school field trip.
