When your response to a woman’s claims that you choked her out then sodomized her and punched her while unconscious is “she agreed to it in advance”, the survey says — you’re screwed. It’s like the sun exploded and you’re waiting the 8 minutes and 20 seconds for the speed of light to catch up and the world to end. I don’t care if you brought along a notary to get thumbprints and signatures on this sexual violence agreement, don’t do it. Trebly so if you’re famous and worth a fortune. Surely your sports agent put you through the “fatal errors” orientation program.
Trevor Bauer, the hotheaded, super talented, and freshly minted rich-ass pitcher for the Dodgers responded in this manner to allegations he got wicked physical with a female sex partner. A woman he had sex with on two occasions in April obtained an ex parte restraining order against him. Those aren’t hard to get under current domestic violence laws. You shouldn’t read much into an allegation or court order that only takes one side into account. Still, they’ve impeached Presidents on the same basis.
The woman claimed in the restraining order that she visited Bauer to have random hookup sex, a luxury afforded to men of Bauer’s standing, but in the first encounter he choked her out with her own hair, and when she awoke he was anally penetrating her. Hate when that happens. It’s a good enough reason to never fall asleep again. Especially if you sleep next to Trevor Bauer. In a second meetup, which kind of makes you wonder why that second one even happened, same, hair choke-out, this time she wakes up being beaten about the face. The photos indicate her face was messed up. The dude can throw 98. He probably packs a punch. Not the throwing hand, Trevor!
Bauer’s camp doesn’t seem to be disputing any of these events or elements that took place. They insist this was merely some crazy chick who drove three hours to see Bauer, told him exactly what insane shit she needs to get off, and he obliged. Because he’s a good dude. And that’s what good dudes do. Even if it means punching a chick in the face. For her pleasure, like a ribbed condom. Gallant really.
Bauer’s lawyer produced text messages from the unnamed crazy chick to Bauer detailing her detailed desires for rough sex. Which sounds like a creepy and stupid fetish and portends a legally not culpable Trevor Bauer. But in such matters, there is criminal innocence and there is career fallout from a domestic violence charge that includes the words “anal rape” and “physical assault”. Definitely not going above the fold on your LinkedIn profile.
Trevor Bauer was a controversial sports figure before this sexual assault allegation revelation. The reigning Cy Young Award winner signed a three-year, $105 million deal with the Dodgers this past offseason where the Dodgers scooped up every single top player on the market. They tried to sign Babe Ruth, but he’s dead apparently. So they gave one of his bastard great-grandkids $20 million to keep the rosin bags freshly packed. Anything to own the league’s record-high payroll. Bauer did a ton of offseason interviews where he tried to fashion himself as Hollywood Hulk Hogan Bauer, the whimsical bad boy of baseball coming to L.A. to rile things up. It’s unclear what bad boy means in baseball circles. It’s not a particularly tough guy sport.
While Bauer was pitching well this current 2021 season, questions arose about his use of illegal sticky tacky substances to grip the ball better and increase his spin rate on pitches. When MLB announced they were going to crack down on the gunk starting in June, Bauer was one of the more outspoken critics of the enforcement policy. He’s that guy. The white LeBron. When umpires on the field began inspecting pitchers for the banned sticky stuff hidden in their gloves or belts, Bauer made sure to do the dramatic gestures for the cameras like he was being raped. Somewhat ironic now that you think of it.
MLB certainly didn’t invent this woman, her allegations, or the media fallout. But they do control how it is handled internally. And that may be Bauer’s biggest problem. Fans already declaring him not guilty have no idea how baseball and other pro sports are responding to even hints of domestic abuse against women by players. Perhaps because so many of these hints in the past turned out to be actuals and everybody kind of agreed millionaire players should stop beating the crap out of their girlfriends. Not with the Internet in existence. Women were starting to notice and sign Change.org petitions.
Major League Baseball put Trevor Bauer on “administrative leave” for a week pending an investigation into this matter. It’s unclear what they’re going to investigate. There are no criminal charges pending as of yet. They could interview the crazy chick to learn more about anal-ramming but Bauer insists that was part of the Chinese menu on crazy girl’s order. What is clear is that as the NFL and NBA, MLB will do whatever it takes to appear on the politically correct Twitter-driven bandwagon.
Imagine the kind of man who punches a woman in the face, even if she asks for it. Would you kick a homeless dude laying on the street if he assured you it’s how he likes to wake up in the morning? Maybe I’m the prude here, but choking a woman out and sodomizing and beating her while unconscious seems pretty sick, despite consent. Joe Biden likely announces he’s nuking Texas every morning and his assistants say, aye-aye, sir, laugh behind his back, then wait for him to fall asleep again. You don’t take a troubled person’s wishes to heart the same way you do your sweet granny. And granny never asked for five rounds of MMA standup game during sex. Mine didn’t. I hope. You never really know.
Even if he skates on criminal charges, MLB will have to make a show of force against Bauer. There’s a woman with a bruised-face photo claiming super nasty shit about him. That same photo got Amber Heard $7 million out of Johnny Depp, despite the fact it looked ginned up to all hell. Prediction: some kind of morality suspension, to be appealed by the MLBPA, and settled into a couple missed starts, beyond the current “administrative leave”.
L.A. is a front-runner kind of sports town. They will love Bauer quickly again with great pitching. This is the town that gave Kobe Bryant a standing ovation when he returned to action after his sexual assault trial in Colorado. Speaking of random acts of questionably consensual sodomy. But it’s also post-#MeToo time in Hollywood. The idea of Bauer being baseball LeBron is probably out the window. For all his many faults, LeBron is likely savvy enough to avoid DM’s that start out, “I am so hot for you choking me out and slugging me in the face.” There are other lays in the world.
