There are two things Bill Cosby never stopped loving in life: performing live on stage and drugging women and ejaculating in their ear canals. Both of these are metaphorically criminal, only the latter is literally illegal. Or it was when Cosby was found guilty and sentenced to the remainder of his elder days behind bars. Until today when a court overturned his conviction. The Cos is out!
Bill Cosby was the crafty kind of rapist. All those able to ply their trade over forty years of liberation are the cunning ones. The less cunning ones are dead or in prison or forced to work at Chuck E. Cheese. Cosby’s m.o. was to use his big wig reputation to lure ambitious or needy women into his hotel room at two in the morning to discuss their futures. Unlike Harvey Weinstein who traded possible roles in his movies in return for ingenue’s watching him soap his scrotum in the shower, Cosby often offered direct financial assistance. And, he delivered on those favors. In return, all you had to do was take his magic headache relief pills or sip his secretly mixed cocktails. Next thing you know you’re being driven home in a limo, your clothes have been put back on not quite right, and you’ve got Fat Albert juice crusting on some random body part. Cosby never penetrated the passed-out women, which made him even creepier in the annals of rape lore. Forcible sex is horrible. Forcible weird fetish shit is skin crawling horror movie material.
The allegations from women against Cosby dated back to the late 1960s when Cosby was starting to make movies and had a hit TV show, in addition to his comedy work. Years later he’d land The Cosby Show which would make him gobs of money and family audience fame. Through it all, he kept his dark passenger cumming on unconscious women over and over again. None of them spoke out at the time, or the few who did were dismissed. This isn’t some power feminist revision of history. This is how shit went down back in the day. You went to a powerful dude’s hotel room and whatever happened was in-bounds. Or certainly, nobody gave a shit. And to be fair, not all that went down was technically illegal, though certainly gross. Yet another case of a rich and famous dude who can get any hot model he wanted consensually, but had some Saw-derangement syndrome that forced him to only like it the forced way.
Everything kind of changed when Cosby, now in his 60’s, went after Andrea Constand, a coed athlete from his beloved Temple University, in the early 2000s. She claims he invited him back to one of his palatial homes, induced her to take some antihistamines, and next thing you know she’s waking up with Huxtable hot sauce in her curly hair. Definitely, the time to rinse and repeat. Constand filed a civil suit against Cosby. In order to help that case move along toward a settlement, local prosecutors made a deal with Cosby that if he testified he would be immune from any criminal prosecution in the matter. That was key since every other woman in the past who’d received the Cosby perv treatment was largely well past the statute of limitations on any criminal charges. Cosby wrote some kind of fat check he didn’t give a shit about and his dutiful wife Camille made him some Jell-O instant pudding. Happy as a clam. Safe from repercussions.
Cut to a decade later and black comedian Hannibal Buress ranting on stage about Bill Cosby bitching about black hood culture and including in his standup act a public airing of the sexual assault allegations against Cosby. Buress’s insider comments allowed a sackless media to finally step up and start asking questions about Cos-rape allegations. They were too chicken shit to take on Cosby before.
With the public airing of the Constand case, suddenly two other women, then five, then ten, then dozens of women came forward with stories of Cos-rape over the past several decades. All with similar stories. Hotel room, drinky-poo, cum on the toes or in the ear. In short, America’s TV dad was a career practitioner of the raping arts. But all those cases were too old to try criminally. What’s a D.A. to do when he’s being pressed by public pressure to punish Cosby somehow but he can’t? Find a workaround.
That dubious route was to go back and try Cosby for sexually assaulting Constand. That case was old, but still within the statute. All you had to do was ignore that pesky agreement where Cosby was assured he would not be prosecuted for that case and that his testimony could never be used against him. In the frenzy of the Cosby sexual assault case and eventually conviction, everybody kind of glossed over the fact that this trial was predicated on very dubious legal grounds. The appeals court didn’t gloss it over. The minute it reached them, they completely overturned the trial court conviction and kicked it out forever. And that is how Bill Cosby, who everybody was convinced was going to die in prison, came out today, announcing he’s looking forward to touring again.
It’s not just in movies that some horrible criminal gets off on a legal technicality. It happens routinely in the real world. That’s why prosecutors seek deals versus convictions. A deal is a deal. A conviction, as in the Cosby case, can always be vacated by another court. Fully expect Cosby and P.R. team and his idiot wife to play up the freedom of an innocent black man angle hard on this one. But it’s such bullshit it’ll be the only such case that Netflix doesn’t purchase the movie rights for.
Bill Cosby is 83 now and in failing health. Albeit, the minute he’s no longer under legal scrutiny, expect his series of woeful medical issues to suddenly clear up a bit. Like the walker Harvey Weinstein uses in every court appearance comes straight out of Central Casting for feeble kindly old man.
I always wondered why Cosby never fled the country once all the past allegations started bubbling up. He’s got a fortune and easily could’ve lived out his life on some ritzy foreign beach far away from potential prison time. But he stuck. Either he’s stupid or arrogant. And he’s not stupid. Maybe this same arrogance leads him to actually set up a comedy road tour rather than shrinking back into his gated estates. You can only hope.
Many years back as a teen I went to a Cosby standup show in a Nevada casino. He picked me out of the crowd and mocked the living hell out of me for his act throughout the show. I laughed harder than anyone. Later that night was one of the nights where he allegedly raped another easy mark up in his hotel room. I might like to take in one more Cosby show. Please pick me out of the crowd again, Bill. Please.
